i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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