I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
A+ Viking dick
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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