He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
