Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
