I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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