69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
