Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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