So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
