Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
