I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
