Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
