ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
