worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
