is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
