i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
