I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
