well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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