Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
