Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
