I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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