you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
