i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
