If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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