Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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