I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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