she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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