That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He called his prostate his "boner button".
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
