I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
