why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
