you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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