Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
