dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
