I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
