He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
