Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
