I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
