I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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