I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
