you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Everclear isn't food dammit
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
