Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
