just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i out mim tonsoeep
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