Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
