This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
