You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
