I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
