I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
