She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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