It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My life is pants optional.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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