1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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