No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
