I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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