i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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