i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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