Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
