Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
